I can’t help but sit here and laugh at the adventure we’ve been on. Deciding to start trying to have a baby was such a huge step for us! I remember back in the spring I had put off my IUD removal by a month because I wasn’t ready. Then we used protection for a month to let me have a natural period. At the time we were not assuming or expecting conception to happen right away but we were hopeful and preparing for the possibility.
Now months later… all of the opinions of others, all of the insecurities within us, all of the trials along the way. I stopped drinking for a couple of months, until that didn’t seem to make a difference so I got back on that train. Tyler stopped smoking weed for months and still is minimal with his indulgences but not avoiding it completely. We have done our absolute best to take all of the information we have (which started with very little, has grown to a lot more) and make the best decisions we could along the way.
At the beginning I was diligent in tracking our “attempts” and my cycle on an app. Then I realized it was making me anxious. I felt like we had to do it when I was allegedly ovulating and would be so sad when I got my period a day or two late. So. Sad. It was wreaking havoc on my well-being and definitely taking away the fun of what this time in our lives should be about. So I scrapped that. Turns out it takes a bit longer than a month to let a natural cycle fall back into place after being on birth control for over a decade.
For the last couple of months we have been completely winging it. We have no rules, I have currently lost track of where I’m supposed to be in my cycle and we feel good about it.
So many people told us that once you stop trying it will happen. A woman actually told me that when you “try” your body can sense that and sends the wrong hormones so that you do not end up conceiving. This approach doesn’t make sense to us. We have a goal and our experience has taught us that achieving a goal takes a certain amount of action. Yes there is always room for surrender and letting go of attachments. Yes, definitely! But we need to keep our eye on the itty bitty prize.
We are happy riding the waves, going with the flow and doing our thing. This is what feels right for us at this time. We are open to change. Maybe one day I’ll pee on an ovulation strip, I don’t know. But for now, we are being young wild and free while we still can. One day that test will show a positive…. oh what a day that will be.