I’ve run away so many times. Each time I was either running away from one thing or chasing another. It’s something we all do. It’s something I get the urge to do often. Whenever it happens I know that I’ve lost my connection to this moment, this breath… my own reality, really.
The past is where all of my greatest lessons lie. The future is what I strive to achieve. But the reality is: all I have is this moment. Over and over again. It’s all we have… moments. heart beats. Insert image of Patrick Swayze teaching Jennifer Grey to dance in a wooden cottage to the sound of a heart beat “ka kung… ka kung… ”
(So, now that I’ve achieved another goal of slipping a Dirty Dancing reference to one of my blogs…)
In grade 9 I read the book Summer Sisters by Judy Blume. I barely understood everything that happened in it at the time (“cunnilingus”?!?) but I fell in love with some of the messages contained in that book. The most important one, the one I got tattooed on my wrist a couple of years later, is “no regrets”. Because what the hell is the point?! In recent years it’s become this trendy saying and at times a preemptive motto for something you intend to regret. But to me it means you shouldn’t look back on your past with any bad feelings. You should look back and appreciate what you’ve been through and how you made it here.
The past and the future are either gone or yet to come. Some would say they aren’t even real.
They are out of your control. You definitely can’t change the past. You can do your best to shape your future; but you never really know how it’s going to turn out… and more often than not a few unexpected curve balls get thrown your way.
When I was 20-something my plan was to find a job (be a self-sufficient working woman), meet the guy, buy the house, build the white picket fence, have babies and live happily ever after. That was literally my dream. I thought about it all the time. And when my bubble broke I saw my reality and loathed it. I was so unfulfilled and stuck in achieving other people’s dreams.
In hindsight, I really could not be happier that bubble broke because it opened my eyes to so much more!
Now. It’s all you have. You get to choose right now what you do or say, how you feel or react. But only for this moment in time that’s gone before you know it. Now is so precious. Don’t waste it or let it pass you by without acknowledging it.
Come to terms with your past. Pay heed to the future. But live right now.
How great is this moment? My tummy is full. The sun is shining in the window. I can’t really breathe through my right nostril due to a cold or allergies or something. I could use a sip of water. I’m happy. I’m in love with pretty much everything. I wouldn’t change a damn thing even if I could.