The First Trimester: I’m Living A Double Life

When we found out we were pregnant, despite the fact that we had been trying for months, it was still incredibly shocking. Immediately I felt sooooo unprepared. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or know or feel….

Turns out it’s pretty simple. Eat well, stay hydrated, modify supplements, sleep, feel whatever comes up. Actually, that’s not totally true. Yes those things are VERY important, but realistically, the first thing I would tell anyone to do when they find out they are pregnant (after freaking out a bit) is to search all of the midwives in their area and submit applications to all of them immediately.

Once the shock settled, there was this nervous excitement that lingered. That feeling of equal parts thrill/joy/happiness and fear. The joy and thrill around creating life, starting a family and making our dreams come true. The fear around the unknown and all of the change on the horizon. I feel it all. Every. Single. Day.

I also found that since I haven’t felt very sick at all… aside from breast tenderness and appetite swings, I’ve felt pretty normal. (By the way, that also freaks me out at times…. “shouldn’t I feel worse?”) So here I am, going on with my days, growing a baby like it’s no big deal, making sure I don’t do anything or say anything to give people a hint of what’s going on in my uterus, but feeling like I should be researching bassinets or something. It’s this bizarre double life. It felt extra weird on the days that I wouldn’t have any “signs” that I’m pregnant. On those days that my energy was up, food tasted great and there weren’t any really emotional moments, I had to think “Am I really pregnant?” Because it didn’t feel like what I expected.

These darn expectations that I can’t kick.

Once we had our first ultrasound and the doctor told us everything looked good and normal and healthy was the first time I actually believed it. I’m making a baby. And it’s real.

I’m so excited that I’m in the second trimester now and able to share the excitement with the world! All of our friends and family knew we had been trying. Many of our friends and family have been anticipating this exciting news for years…. I mean, there were people that thought we would come back from our first backpacking trip in 2013 pregnant. That’s obviously not what the universe had in store. I wouldn’t change a single thing about this adventure that Tyler and I have been on together since the summer of 2010. It’s been everything that it needed to be and will continue to be. Our due date is September 3rd, a really meaningful day to us. September in general brings up a lot of emotion for me. But that’s a whole other blog…