Today I’m 24 weeks pregnant and coming to the end of the 2nd trimester. I must say this has been such an amazing time… For SO many reasons. As I sit in my living room writing this, baby is thumping around in my womb just living it up. Little does this little one know that space is about to become limited. My uterus is growing, my belly is expanding, and the baby is more than 1.3 pounds. It’s crazy to think that when we found out we were expecting, it was the size of a poppy seed. Grow baby grow!
Needless to say, I am truly loving this whole experience. This pregnancy so far has been pure magic. All the good stuff is happening and all the not-so-good side effects are few and far between.
This pregnancy has been teaching me to set some boundaries. What can I do? What can’t I do? What do I want to do? What do I no longer need? Physically I haven’t had to change that much. My yoga practice looks very similar (less twisting and back bending), and I’ve actually started using some moderate weight to strengthen for labour and beyond. Admittedly, there was a time when I thought my arms wouldn’t be strong enough to hold my baby for extended periods.
Mentally and energetically is where the biggest shift has happened though. How, where and with whom I spend my time has become super important. I’ve mentioned on my Facebook page that in the past I have gone out of my way to stay in touch with people, to stay connected “for the relationship”…. I’ve also been a bright light for people, their confidant, their sounding board. Now, I’m only doing these things if they truly feel right. If I feel like you spend time with me to fill up your cup with my positive energy, I’m not going to do that anymore. We all need to see that we should love ourselves from the inside out rather than seeking acceptance and approval from external sources. If you have come to me to rant about your continuous cycle of drama, I’m done. We all have choices. We can choose to perpetuate our patterns and behaviours or we can choose to change. The whole truth and nothing but the truth is arising within me. I have been an enabler for people over the years and this pregnancy has taught me to be extra mindful of my energy. I’m creating a human. I don’t want to take on anyone else’s drama. I don’t want to expend the precious energy that I have on anything other than taking care of me and this baby. These are the bold boundaries I am setting for myself, for my family. I have given a lot of power away over the years to please others and I’m turning a new leaf. It feels good to take my power back. It feels like I’m drawing all of my energy back to myself to prepare for all of the changes, challenges and detours ahead. I am becoming more me than I ever have before so that I can be fully present in raising this child. This beautiful little soul has given me permission – that I could not previously give to myself – to step into the depths of my truth. It’s magnificent.
Oh my goodness. I don’t think I have ever been this vain (and 22 year old Rebecca was pretty vain). Maybe vain isn’t the right word. I was vain 10 years ago when I was attached to how physically attractive I felt. Now, I honestly feel like I’m glowing… all. the. time. Watching my body change in all the weird and amazing ways has been glorious. I love everything about this process. From the internal emotional upheavals to the physical expansion and everything in between.
Every morning I wake up, look at myself in the mirror, smile and laugh. When I come home from work and change into my comfies I do the same thing. Experience has taught me to embrace change. All of these changes are the absolute best. I don’t think I have ever felt more beautiful or loved myself more than I do every moment of every day, right now.
I would say the feeling that best described the first trimester was “happy”. Even early in the second trimester, I was just so happy! I was happy to be pregnant, to be creating a baby! When people asked “are you excited?!” I would say yes, but I hadn’t quite got there yet. I was relishing in the joy of the transition. And now, I would definitely say that the best way to describe how I feel is “excited”! Excited for every moment, the movements inside me, the eventual arrival of this beautiful little soul, excited about it all!