We met when I was 18 and I was hooked. We started dating, I moved to another city for school and then he broke up with me. I was devastated. How dare HE break up with ME?!
It was my mission to show him what he was missing; so the summer I came home I did. We got back together and by the time I turned 20 I was in my first full blown real-life-long-term-ish relationship. It didn’t take long for me to realize that something was wrong. I gave everything to him. He was my sun and I revolved around him. What took a longer time to realize was that I am the sun and the universe.
I Am The Universe
I started spending time bettering myself. I went to the gym. I ate better. I changed my hair. I started doing fun stuff that I actually wanted to do! And eventually I found the long lost love I had been missing… myself! I fell in love with myself and that put everything into perspective so I finally left. And it was the hardest thing I had done up to that point in my life. I broke my own heart in the process of leaving behind the person I had been and my attachment to the life that we had dreamed up while I was lost in space.
This was also the first time in my life I realized that all the hard stuff is really just leading to all the even better stuff. I was me again… actually I don’t even know if I was me again. I was just me! The 23 year old version of me. Oh man, she was daring and bold and reckless and gave no fucks.
Then this other guy showed up. Different then the ones I had dated here and there or the one I was supposed to be in a “serious” relationship with at the time. This guy showed up and we had SO. MUCH. FUN.
I was a working girl with my brand spanking new bachelorette pad and he was planning on travelling around Asia for a few months. With no strings attached our whirlwind romance was 100% inhibited… who cares if he thinks I’m weird or something. He’s leaving! And he left. And I watched the entire series of greys anatomy in a few weeks and ate all of the cheese covered carbohydrates in the land.
But… It’s REal
Luckily for me, he got hit by a motorcycle in Thailand and was flown home after about a month of being away. He was broken, bruised and living back at his Dad’s place. We immediately fell right back in to the flow we had before. And you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. This guy felt different. I felt different. I had no idea what was going on but I just went with it because it felt so good. It wasn’t like that other guy. This time I felt joy from the inside out, not the outside in. He wanted to go back to Asia and I was pretty unhappy at work and intrigued by the thought of an adventure so we went for it.
Bursting At The Seams
We explored the world. My eyes were opened and my true purpose began to come into focus. I realized just how strong, intelligent, soft and directionally gifted I am. Seriously, my internal compass is pretty incredible. And yes I mean both literally and figuratively. All those years of learning what felt wrong then taking chances for what felt right – and being a bit wild – helped to corroborate my instincts. I connected with my guides and everything opened up. I found a new level of love. I learned that I can love myself, a completely foreign place, home and another human all with equal abundance.
Rewind To Fast-Forward
All of that… the hard stuff, the learning stuff, the opening up. The first cycle seemed to take a while. It was like ages 18 to 28. Then the cycle happened again. But faster. And harder. I hurt and broke and felt low and disconnected from everything, especially myself. But I knew that the hard stuff leads to the better stuff (if you work with it and through it and allow your light to dim but not disappear). So I came around. I found all that self-love and real love and wholeness again.
Here I am
…about to turn 30 and I’m bursting at the seams with all of it. I’ve got everything I need. I’m facing fears, I’m being bold. I’ve found a place to settle for a while. I’m surrendering to this purpose of mine and actively manifesting it. It’s all happening. So HELLLOOOOO THIRTY! I’m coming for you with all my might. Me and my universe are going to shine on like never before. Are you ready?!