If you’ve been following along with my ghost posts (I post them and immediately post another so that they aren’t on the home page, but still organize them away in the menu – I wasn’t hiding them, just not openly publicizing them) then you know that Tyler and I have been trying to have a baby since last spring. Feel free to go back and read the posts to learn about the ups and downs and stress that came along with the adventure if you like.
However, now that I am 13 weeks along, I am happy to share the incredible news that we are having a baby!! Yayyyy!
To recap, there were two months that stand out as being the most difficult: the first month when I thought “either we conceive right away or this takes a while” and so I felt extra pressure. That first month when we found out we weren’t pregnant it was tough. All the emotions came up around self-doubt and inadequacy. And even though I knew it was a long shot to get pregnant right away, I knew my body was still adapting to being off of hormonal birth control for the first time in over a decade, I knew we had no idea what we were doing…. it was still hard. I wouldn’t say it got easier after that, it just was more familiar. Then there was a month where we thought for sure we were pregnant. There were so many signs pointing to just that and even though my period had been late before, it had never been this late…. so when it arrived it sucked. It sucked a lot. In some way though I feel that month cleared the way for what was to come…
So it’s Christmas. I had decided a couple of months earlier that I wasn’t going to follow my period tracker for ovulation, I would just use it to input my periods and leave it closed the rest of the month. Our sexy days were identified with little hearts on the calendar in our kitchen. Back to basics, just us, our cycles, our flows and our love.
We had a crazy busy Christmas schedule with literally 7 days full of events, road trips and people to see. As we were driving home from our last family visit, with our last party to attend that evening I was telling Tyler how tired I was. It felt like as soon as I woke up, I could just go right back to bed. He asked why I thought that was. And while part of me thought I was just exhausted from all of the socializing, another part of me thought there was something more. I told him “either I’m getting my period or I’m making a baby”. He asked when my period was due. I told him not for another week. And he thought it should be closer. So I checked my app and realized I was 2 days late. Now, that had happened a handful of times over the previous months so it was in no way a cause for alarm. We got home, changed and headed out to our event.
The next day, still no period. I wanted to just wait and see what the next few days brought, really not trying to get my hopes up. Tyler was being a bit more impatient, which is not like him at all. So I peed on the stick, left it in the bathroom and told him I wasn’t going to be the one to look at it. A few minutes later he brought the stick into the living room with a straight face and showed me the positive.
We sat on the couch staring at each other in shock and amazement. “What does this mean?” “What do we do now?” *High Fives* “It worked!” “But, seriously, what do we do now??”
All of a sudden what we had been hoping for became a reality and everything changed.