Don’t Fear September

For the first time in years I’m not afraid of September. September has been a tough month in the past. My grandfather’s passing, my beloved Bugsy’s death, the stress and anxiety around our wedding a couple of years ago… and just the overall feeling that can come with September. Back to school, back to reality, back to shorter days, changing of the weather. A lot happens for many of us in September before you take the personal tragedies and celebrations into consideration.

So, it feels awesome that I’m not currently dreading September. I finally feel like I’m in a really beautiful place. I have balance. Woah…. I can’t believe that just spewed out of my heart. Balance. It’s true. Insert heart swelling with pride over how far I’ve come. 

Two years ago, September 3rd 2015, was the hardest day of my life up to that point. It started out promising to be the absolute best day and ended in unimaginable tragedy. Yeah I can be dramatic but that is honestly how it felt. Everything within me came undone.

I don’t feel like revisiting that. I’ve done a lot of work to let go, forgive, move on… but that day changed me. It showed me just how dark my shadow side is. It took months to find someone resembling myself after that. The corpse that walked around as if it was me… just wasn’t.

Embracing those seemingly unbearable parts of our past is very important, especially the days or experiences that have shaped who we are now. When you’re in it you just want to get out. But as I’m sure you’ve learned… the only way out is to accept. Once you accept you can begin to find gratitude and then the path back to yourSelf becomes dimly lit so you can begin to find your way again.

September is my thing. You have yours.

Don’t fear it. Don’t dread it. Appreciate it.

Don’t fear September. It’s behind you and if you haven’t healed yet, you’ll get there. Be real. If you feel like a rock, be a rock and stay in bed until you’re ready for something else; if you feel like a ray of sunshine then take that opportunity to embrace all the light that’s shining from within you. We are dark and we are light and we are everything in between. Above all we are love. And even if you hate this saying I truly believe everything happens for a reason and that there are lessons for us in everything. What is your September trying to teach you? Listen closely and you will be guided to your best Self.

Love, Always. RO

2 thoughts on “Don’t Fear September

  1. Kayley says:

    Finally catching up on some blog reading, you inspire me daily as we have been going through our own difficult journey lately. This summer was supposed to be amazing, full of adventure with our family that is now complete. Hell, we tried to purposely plan it with our last pregnancy so I would be off for the whole summer with our kids. I had so many plans to travel north and south to visit friends and family as I would be off on maternity leave anyways….. when early July my world has been shaken… I have lived and am continuing to live some of my hardest days which I thought were going to be some of my best days. I’m mad, I’m sad, I’m anxious, I’m thankful, I’m happy, I’m worried, I’m stressed, I’m loved, I’m EXHAUSTED. This summer has not been what I expected it has been one of my hardest yet, and I get mad and feel guilty for feeling like I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to. I should be so happy and thankful people tell me as I have a baby who is so good and so happy.. but my world has been shaken with my husband hitting rock bottom with out any real explanation… I am hoping September will be new, be fresh, and be healing. ( sorry if none of this makes sense but it has felt good to write down just what came to mind, letting out tears while writing and actually feeling my emotions while writing I think is good) thank you for being a safe place and an awesome sister to give me a space to do so! Much love always to you and Ty!

    • Rebecca says:

      I just saw this today Kayl, and wow! Thank you so much for having the courage to let all of that out. My heart reaches out to you and all of these hardships that you have been going through. I don’t know the half of it and I don’t need to. This is your story and just as you have survived the black holes that tried to take you down in the past, you will survive this one as well. You are allowed to feel all of those things no matter how dark or bright. And you should! Feel it all, it’s part of the process and as you evolve and heal and grow… you need to leave the pieces of you behind that are no longer needed. It’s time to shed your skin, take off your armour, leave expectations and perceptions behind and all of those things are SUPER hard to do. But they must be done. And you can do it, slowly almost minutely on some days, with vengeance on others. No matter where your mind takes you, you know that you are loved and supported by many. And we have patience and we will persevere along side you as long as it takes for you to find peace again. With all of my heart, LOVE. Always.

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