Feeling All The Fall Vibes

Winter is sparkly and beautiful and I love bundling up and going for a walk breathing in the cold refreshing air…. there is nothing like it. It’s a time to cook cozy comfort foods and wrapping yourself in warm blankets with good book and a hot tea.

Spring is when everything comes alive. All the flowers wake up, the trees, the grass, the animals, the insects, the sun shows it’s face a little more and begins to warm us back up. It’s also my birthday which makes it that much better!

Summer is for getting outside – camping, hiking, biking, beaching, bbqing, pool parties, hanging out on decks or patios… Summer is when we have all officially come out of our hibernation and are ready for good times.

Fall is intoxicating. The red/orange/yellow hues. The leaves. The wind. The smell. We begin to cover up, preparing for colder weather but making sure to take advantage of these last few days of sunshine and warm temperatures before the earth freezes again.

Fall is incredible. It’s an incredible teacher; a time to slow down, reconnect with ourselves, let the old dead stuff go, or perhaps begin to sink in.

The changing of the trees and the falling of the leaves are beautiful reminders that once in a while we need to do the same. We need to take a look at how far we’ve come and be grateful. We need to let go of the stuff we’ve been holding on to for too long. We need to make more time for ourSelf and face whatever comes up within us.

The last time I was in Canada (Ontario) for autumn was 2014. Travelling kept us away for two of these glorious seasons. And while I did a lot of releasing and de-cluttering along our adventures, that doesn’t mean that new gunk hasn’t built up. We have been home for almost a year and it’s been a tough transition. From having complete freedom to jobs, routines and responsibilities has been a learning curve.

I think one of the hardest things has been to be honestly me.

Home is a wonderful place full of love and support from our tribe of family and friends. These people have known us for all of our lives but travelling changes you. Travelling changed me. It always does. It puts personal growth on fast forward when you’re wandering around never knowing what to expect and having a hundred curve balls thrown at your every day. 14 months on the road is bound to have a lasting affect and that’s part of the reason we did it. To explore our world but also to explore ourSelf without the looming impressions and expectations of familiar faces. You need to step outside of your comfort zone if you ever want to change, if you ever want to test yourself, if you ever want to become better.

This fall is about really allowing this change to settle within me. Catching up with friends and having family close has been a dream. It is the absolute best walking down the street to have a tea with one of my best friends whenever I want. The nightmare is when I realize we don’t connect the way we used to. I’ve changed. They’ve changed. We have different life paths and different political opinions and different eating habits and lifestyles. In so many ways this is a beautiful thing. We can learn from each other, we can have adult conversations from different perspectives and be okay with not agreeing while respecting each others choices. Sometimes though I just feel lost in a sea of people I’m supposed to know. I used to be a piece of the puzzle and somehow my edges don’t fit anymore.

This is so not where I meant to go with this blog. Three days ago I was buzzing with the magic fall was bringing. I wanted to write all about that magic! But after a couple of stressful, busy, long, emotional days, that feeling seems like it was an eternity ago.

Maybe this is the magic of fall. It lifts you up. It surrounds you with change and possibility and colourful crunchy leaves to jump in (also colourful and scrumptious apples and squashes to make yummy yummy foods with). I don’t know how many times I’ve looked outside my window at the leaves whirling around on the street and thought “that is so beautiful, I can’t believe it’s real”. Fall also lingers with the harder darker times that can come with winter, with self-exploration, with growth…. comes death.

I need to let my old Self die so that my new Self can flourish when spring comes. I need to let go of expectations of others (both the ones they put on me and the ones I take full responsibility for putting on myself). I need to stop wanting to impress people. I need to stop caring what other people think about my life, lifestyle and life goals.

I’m a bit different. I have chosen time and time again to live life a bit differently. It has proven to be incomprehensibly rewarding; but presents equally as many challenges as rewards.

The other day I was brewing a tea with the intention of trust. As I was putting the loose leaf tea in a tea bag and boiling the water, I thought, “I need to trust more. This cup of tea is my cup of trust.”. And when I poured the water over the tea bag, it overflowed.

I sipped the tea mindfully thanking the universe for all of the gifts it has given me and trusting that I am living the life I am meant to. Now all I need to do is learn from the trees, allow my leaves to fall, and let the wind carry me.